To Make You Feel My Love

I know that my posts lately have been very deep but this is what I am needing right now, so this is what you get.

Yesterday I decided to go to a women's scripture study class that our stake holds each week. This semester they are studying the last half of the Book of Mormon. I attended the class last semester and really enjoyed it. Yesterday was the first day of the new class. I woke up happy and excited to be going. I got myself all "cute-sy" and was there early. Class starts. The discussion starts straying from the manual. The teacher starts saying that there is a visible difference between men who have served missions and men who have not. She said that you can see the Spirit more in them. Then other sisters made comments of the same nature. Do you see where this is going? Yes, I was offended. As many of you know my husband did not serve a mission. He and I, together, took a different path, a hard, hard path. But we have grown tremendously and the Spirit is more present in our home now that it ever has been. How can a man going on a mission make him better and how can a man going on a mission make him glow with the Spirit more? It doesn't. Going on a mission provides individuals with unique experiences that increase faith and testimony. But that does not mean that these people are better. How many people go on missions and come home and fall away from the church for different reasons? A lot.

So, you know me, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. The happiness and the Spirit and excitement that I felt to go to class immediately vanished. And in its stead my heart was beating wildly and I knew that what they were saying was wrong. So I spoke up. And the teacher and a few others still stuck to their original theory. I almost looked at them and said "You went to BYU, didn't you". This holier than thou attitude and judgemental nature is what has been driving me nuts about my ward lately. I cannot wait to move somewhere else. Anywhere else. Somewhere where the members don't have this "Utah County" attitude. So, I told them once again that I disagreed. Others tried to smooth the waters and explain that a mission helps an individual to reach a level of spirituality in 2 years that it might take someone who did not go a mission to achieve in 10 years. WHATEVER!

I tried to stick it out and stay, but I could not. I left and was so relieved to step outside and feel the fresh air. I got in the car and stopped at a tree by the church that has beautiful acorns falling from it and collected some to decorate with. Then I headed to get my comfort drink, Pepsi, from the gas station, Kangaroo to be exact, and went home.

I kept thinking 'How could they think that way?' 'How could they not care that a sister in the church was visibly upset by what they were saying and not care?' Dusty ended up having to work through lunch and couldn't come home so I took him some lunch. When he had called me to see if I could bring the lunch and asked how my day had been going he got an ear full. He says I told him everything in one big breath. And I probably did. So as I was driving to take him lunch I was thinking more about what had happened. When class had first started the teacher asked us what we wanted to get out of this class. I didn't share, but my reason was to feel the Spirit more in my life. So as I am driving and trying to figure out how all of this went wrong and how what I wanted to get out of the class SO did not happen, I realized that these women may think this way. But they are wrong. They are not perfect. The only perfect person is Christ.

My thoughts had led me to feeling like you can never get away from your mistakes. Yes, Dusty and I made a huge mistake as teenagers and he did not go on a mission. Instead we ponied up and got married. Soon after we were married our faith was tried and our baby was born too early and died. This was 2 weeks after we were married. Some questioned if we would stay married. Some thought this was the only reason we had gotten married. We always say that we proved everyone wrong. And we did! So as I am having all of these thoughts and thinking about how because we started out the way we did and because we are not a typical Mormon couple, we will never be able to live our past down. And then I realized that is what Satan wants me to think. Yes, these sisters may be judging me and others based on official missionary service, but the Lord does not. The Lord has forgiven Dusty and I for our past mistakes and He no longer remembers them. How lucky I am to have that knowledge. And how lucky Dusty and I are that we did start out our marriage and our family young. If we had waited until we were at the same stage as some of these people to get married and start our family, we wouldn't have been able to have children. We didn't know that I would develop female problems and have to have surgery. I feel that we are blessed beyond measure to have our children and am glad that we started our life together the way we did. We have learned so many valuable lessons from our experiences.

So as I am driving and having all of these thoughts this song comes on the radio. I am listening to the country station and it is a song by Garth Brooks. Now I know that this is not meant to be a spiritual song but to me at that moment it was. It reminded me that the Savior is there for me and He will hold me when the storms of life and people that I come in contact with, even the women of the church, make me feel sad.


To Make You Feel My Love
by Garth Brooks

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd go crawling down the aisle for you
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

I hope this helps some of you today. The Lord is always there for us. He will make us happy and we can feel His love.

Now I just need to decide if I dare go to class next week.

Faith

"And if you are faithful, behold, I am with you until I come—"
D&C 34:11

This scripture was read in Sunday School today and it was some of what I had been needing to hear. So many times we hear about having faith and what it means. But exercising it is sometimes more difficult. But what a comfort to know that the Lord is with us. No matter if I have the smallest, mustard-sized seed of faith, I know that the Lord is with me until He comes. The next verse says "And verily, verily, I say unto you, I come quickly. I am your Lord and your Redeemer. Even so. Amen". When I think about Christ coming again I am excited. And to be reminded that He comes quickly helps me. I am glad that I went to church today and that I was reminded in small ways that He is with me always.

The Savior Never Gives Up On Us

So, lately I have been feeling a little lost and alone. I have felt numb and a little spiritually dead. But today I was reminded of just how much Heavenly Father and Jesus love me. As I sat down with Jacob to do his homework I picked up the Ensign magazine to read and this is what I read...

Lessons From An Aquarium by Minerva G. Harkness

"A member of our bishopric knew that my nine-year-old daughter kept an aquarium and one day asked if she might want some more fish. His family was going on vacation and needed to empty their aquarium. The offer was immediately accepted, and to my daughter’s delight, a pregnant female guppy was among the group.

Upon coming home from church one afternoon, my daughter did her routine check on the aquarium to see if each fish was happy and healthy. To her surprise, she saw four tiny, newborn fish. The mother guppy had begun to deliver. Acting quickly, she moved the babies to the safety box that would protect them from the bigger and more aggressive fish. In all of the excitement, however, one baby guppy was lost. Crying with disappointment, my daughter located it lying among the tiny rocks on the bottom of the aquarium. She tried to scoop it into her net to be placed in the safety box, but she couldn’t move the tiny guppy without injuring it.

All the other tiny guppies were caught, and although the safety box teemed with dozens of new babies, my daughter’s attention was still intently focused on the one fallen among the stones. She sat ready to help it into the box as soon as it could move. She even refused dinner as she sat attentively by her aquarium for about four hours.

Watching her struck some familiar and tender chords. I thought of the Good Shepherd, who leaves His ninety and nine to look for the one who is lost (see Luke 15:3–8; John 10:11–14). All of us know how it feels to be lost or afflicted or spiritually sick. Yet our Savior never gives up on us. He is always there with outstretched arms, ready and willing to rescue us, strengthen us, and bless us.

Though we may not always realize it, our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, tenderly and closely watch over us night and day, deeply concerned about our well-being and the roads we choose to walk. With love unbounded, They give Their angels charge concerning us, waiting for us to gather enough strength and faith to find safety and peace in Their arms.

Later that day my daughter’s concern for that guppy paid off. After her long, tedious hours of waiting and hoping, the tiny fish finally wiggled and then slowly swam out of the rocks. Carefully she placed it in the comfort and security of the safety box. That was witness enough for me of the sustaining power of love."

(Minerva G. Harkness, “Lessons from an Aquarium,” Ensign, Sep 2010, 80)



Immediately after reading this I felt better. I know that I am not forgotten. And even though right now I feel this way, He understands and will guide me to peace and safety through His love.

First Day of School

Our 3 children started school on August 25th. Yes, that's right, ALL 3 are in school now. They have anticipated the big day all summer long; wondering who their teachers would be, if said teachers were nice, if they would know anyone in their classes, etc. Because Emma is beginning kindergarten she had a staggered entry date that she attended and then she had a couple days off until they were ready for all of the kindergarteners to attend. Last week she officially began "full-time". With all 3 children gone for most of the day I am left to contemplate if I have prepared them adequately. School can be a scary place and they are exposed to so many negative things. I hope they are strong enough and ready to handle the many situation that they will be faced with. I pray daily for them that they will remember who they are and be positive examples to others. Thus far, the 2010-2011 school year has gone well and is off to a great start!

The 3 Amigos



Alexis


Jacob


Emma

Pull-Ups

Is is bad for a 6 year old to still be wearing pull-ups??????

Dusty and I argued about this tonight. I don't think she is ready to be done wearing them because she is still peeing in them at night. He says that we should just let her pee the bed and sleep in it and then she will learn. But I refuse to wash bedding every day and think that is stupid. Dusty says that I am not in a "teaching mood", which by the way, is very offensive seeing as that is my job as a mother. Tell me, how do you teach a child NOT to pee at night???

Oh, and this is all coming from the man who still pee'd the bed until fairly late as a child.

Do I sound frustrated???

Yup. I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!